Hong Kong Harbor

We wake up at 3pm to the rattling metal door of the Si Agents coming back from Bird Street. We’re all fairly groggy from our late night out in Tai Po but in good spirits nonetheless. “Oh man, we needed that” is the general vibe. We get motivated for our last full day in Hong Kong.

Rattle some metal, bushwhack the elevator ride, fist bump the security guy, and we’re outside looking for a place to grub. Bao leads us to a spot nearby that supposedly has good meats. It’s a nicely laid out spot, looks slightly upscale, and the menu is amazing. Platters of meats and vegetables of all sorts for family style sharing. I love the copyright infringing menu! The sun is kind of glaring out his face so it’s almost impossible to make out who it really is.


We order up a meat fest of assorted meats and it’s delicious. Came with a bunch of dipping sauces, rice and tea. I think the glazed duck was the clear winner.


We decide to go back to Victoria Harbor and catch the famous light show from a boat. Zssht! and we’re back in Tsim Sha Tsui.

The boats are just a short walk from the metro. On the way these two Monks come straight up to Agent Getz and I. They take our arms and put bracelets right on our wrists and kiss our forheads. This happens almost in unison. “Ahhhh… ok”. The bracelets are actually kind of cool. The Monks are very peaceful and are running through some sort of blessing ritual. “What do I do? Haha”, there’s some more hand waving and forehead kissing. We’re both very confused at this point but one of the Monks produces a small money pouch and points towards it.. “Ahhhhhhh…”. Neither of us have much in the way of Hongbucks on us but the small amount that I do give him seems pacifying.

But wait… If I’m gonna pay I want to pick my own bracelet! I take off the touristy one the monk gave me and put it back on his wrist where the others rest. A simple but colorful alternative catches my eye and I point to it. The monk nods and fixes it to my wrist.

Immediately, a calming wind rushes along the water’s surface, gently blowing through my hair, across my face and rustling the robes of the monks. I take a deep inward breath and the wind courses internally, down through my limbs relaxing the muscles and pushing away discomfort. I sense, somewhere majestic, a smiling angels queefing. Yes, this will do.

Agent Getz is also finishing up his monkly transaction with yet another forehead kiss. As he walks away he busts into some Katy Perry, “I kissed a Monk and I liked it!”


Down at the harbor we find some badass looking pirate/dragon boats. Unfortunately we’re just in between launch times and the next one isn’t for a couple of hours.


We get tickets on a non-dragon boat and find that we’ve got about an hour to kill before launch. “Cocktails?”,”Woohoo!”

There is a neat art installation down by the water of a massive mega/gramophone looking thing. When you yell something in the small part of the cone it comes booming out of the large end.


We find a spot called Masks of So Cheun and Beijing. The interior looks incredible, soft lighting and all sorts of amazing Chinese masks hanging from the ceiling. On the window it says they are Michelin recommended. Too bad we’re still stuffed from meatfest. We go in to check the place out and decide to get some killer girl drinks.




I take the opportunity to contact our new buddy Lou whom we met at the Bobby London in Tai Po last night. We were planning on checking out Lon Kwai Fong after the light show and he’d wanted to meet up after work. Should work out perfectly.

Ring ring, “<some woman answers in Cantonese>”, “Ahhh… hi is Lou there?”, “<Cantonese ball of confusion sound>”, “Hmmmmm…. Lou?”, “Wrong Numba!”, “Oh I’m sorry!”, click.

“Well it appears Lou fake numbered us, haha”, “But didn’t you show him the number and he confirmed it?”, “Yeah, it’s all very confusing. He was pretty drunk.”, “Man.. I can’t believe Lou fake numbered us.”

We polish off a couple more girl drinks and head to the harbor front for the light show.


(Note that McBurger is wearing the tshirt from the day we biked down the death road in Bolivia)



All aboard a ferry boat looking rig, grab some Heinekens and head up to the bow. The boat shoves off and slowly takes us out into the middle of the harbor. There is some hilarious hype music going on. Kind of sounds like some old James Bond chase scene.

“So is this light show happening?”, “Oh… I don’t know”, we all look around. Doesn’t appear to be much going on, the odd laser from a roof top here and there every few minutes. “No seriously, is it happening?”, we’d been on the boat a while now. “I don’t know, haha”, “This is the worst light show I’ve seen since Samarkand” (…but that’s a story for another time).

It’s funny, if you look up things to do in Hong Kong this is high on the list. The boat’s brochure looks amazing! I’ve even seen videos of all of the buildings along the waterfront lit up and going off, even fireworks. But nope. Guess our captain didn’t get the memo that shit’s not happening today.

But it’s fine, the harbor cruise is nice, we’ve got the Irish handcuffs on and with the gentle rocking of the waves it’s all pretty relaxing. We nab some selfies and photos of the impressive skyline.



Some of the buildings were taking the Xmas theme to extremes20151208_063939


While we may have actually missed out on a killer light show, we still had a great time cruising around in the harbor. Agent Getz took some time to reflect on all of his marvelous achievements and pose for a Heineken sponsor shot.


After the Harbor Cruise we hit a nearby gift shop for a shopping montage! It was that feeling of “It’s our last night here and I haven’t really gotten anything all trip!”
So we grab up an assortment of mementos and stocking stuffers for the holiday around the corner. I was also able to add a new deck to my collection of international erotic art cards


Afterwards it’s unanimously decided that it’s cocktail hour and we head over to the ferry and cross the harbor again on our way up to the much anticipated Hong Kong socialite mecca of Lon Kwai Fong

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