Sabotage in Vilnius

Out of Alchemikas and back to the old town cobblies. Hostel Dude had recommended a local favorites bar not too far from Mikalo House called Snekutis, we should try to find that.

This mission takes us away from the main critical mass of bars and into the dark streets North beyond. My directions to the place are getting confused and it looks like we’re standing in front of a church instead. Absolutely no one around. Suuuuuuper quiet. We wander the streets in each direction until we finally find it. Closed. Shit, I didn’t realize it was that late. Absinthe fumes.

“Try some alleys and see if we can find a place?”, “Might as well.” Zigzagging around Vilnius side streets now and it’s starting to turn into what looks like a total bust, “Start heading back home?”, “Guess so… wait what’s that?”, “Yep, I hear something.”

Around the corner, down an alley, there are a bunch of people gathered outside smoking. Locals for sure. Maybe we’ve found a local bar? Let’s investigate.

What?! This pad is cranking, chock full of peeps. Large place with seats up front, full room bar, and a huge back seating area with a stage. Wonder if we missed a band or something. It’s loud in here with cackling drunks. Students maybe. Fun stuff, let’s get a drink.

We tone things down from cocktails to beer and post up at the bar. Seems like things are tapering off and a few tables are packing up. Still a couple hundred people here though. Not wanting to admit that the night is done I guess.

…or because karaoke starts at midnight?! Haha what? The screens around the place light up and there’s a guy on the mic switching between Lithuanian and English describing the process of picking songs. The energy of the place surges and people are on their feet. Holy shit, this is gonna be good.

A girl hops up to start things off and it’s listed as Hallelujah by Leonard Cohen and Bon Jovi? That.. that just can’t be possible, can it? This girl is hilarious. Her voice is about a 3/10 but she’s going for it big time and wow that accent. She’s doing power moves and grand gestures, super into it. Performance is a solid 10.

Up next is a dude doing a spot on rendition of Despacito that lights the place right up and everyone is shimmy shaking now.

Good round of applause for that, the MC says,”This is the first time we’ve seen Despacito giving joy.”

Next is, Oops I did it again by Brittany Spears. What the fuck is up with this song?! This is the 4th time we’ve heard people singing this so far this trip. Why? Did they wait 20 years to drop it here?

Ok these girls are teeeeeeerrible. That’s also inspiring, MacKay and I are floating song ideas now. Couple more beers and we’ll come up with something I’m sure.

A dude does a nice version of a Calvin Harris song then the staple, Don’t Speak by No Doubt. Not had not bad.

There are definitely some regulars here. The MC announces someone as The Beat Box guy and then a girl in a nice dress and glasses gets up and people are excited. “You all know her. Jealous of the rain!”, A song by Labrinth. Never heard it. She nukes it, beautiful voice.

We get another round of karaoke courage, “So what song will blow up Lithuania?”, “Sabotage?”, “Fuck yeah, let’s do it“, “You know the words?”, “Who fucking cares. Just go bonkers for a few minutes”, “Haha shit yeah, SABOTAGE!”

James runs over and puts it in. “What did you put our name in as?”, “What do you think?”, “McBurger and Diesel?”, “Of course.”

A guy comes over to order a beer from the bar and we introduce ourselves. His name is Sebastian, he’s from Bern. Oh, lovely city. He lived in Canada for a bit. “This place is emptying out let’s go to the next place”, “We’ve got a song in we’re waiting on”, “What song?”, “Sabotage”, “Fucking Beastie Boys, Sabotage?”, “Yeah dude”, “Holy shit! Yes no leaving until then for sure!”

Sebastian tells us that most of the people here are students. He’s here for work one day and flies out at 6am tomorrow. “Shit dude that’s in 4 hours”, “It’s ok. It’s ok.” Haha this guy is full of energy, I love it. We chat for a while at the bar.

MC Burger and Diesel!”, holy fuck it’s happening. M.C. Burger. That’s classic. Like DJ Burger. We down our beers and weave through the crowd to the stage. Sebastian is right up front with a beer and has brought some student types with him.

Quick recap of how awesome Sabotage is:

We hit the stage and start jumping around and flailing arms, belting out the Beastie Boys like a couple castrated banshees. For three minutes we go mental on stage in front of a couple hundred terrified Lithuanians. Some are digging it big time, some have open mouthed drop jaws just face floored by the spectacle.

Sebastian is losing his shit up front and jumping around so much I can see his beer swish out, hover in the air and then splat on the ground. Everyone around him dancing, shit eating grins. We’ve definitely brought the energy levels up and half the room has bought into it.

I start beat boxing during the breakdown woo, woo woo part. I don’t know how to beat box for shit but whatever. I see some locals eyes get wide, mesmerized by the shitshow we’re serving up.

Oh man, here’s the solo bass line build up. I glance over at James and he gives the nod. He knows what’s up. Here we go! both doubled over, screaming as hard as we possibly can into the mics, “Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhyyyy!”

Brains are on the wall from all the blown minds, it’s gross, “Listen all a y’all this is Sabotage, LISTEN all a y’all this is Sabotage, Listen all a y’all THIS IS SABOTAGE, LISTEN ALL A Y’ALL THIS IS SABOTAAAAAAGE!!!”

And then you reeeeeally gotta throat blast that last verse too, “Aaaaaaaiiiiii can’t stand it, I know you planned it….”

We finish to a mixed room of adoration, annoyance and bewilderment. Some people are stunned and temporarily immobile. A few are scooping their melted faces off the floor out of Sebastian’s beer puddles and trying to arrange them back on their mangled heads.

We hand the mics back to Host Guy, “Wow. MC Burger and Diesel. Thank you for that. I think. Yes? Yes I think so! Diesel and MC Burger!” the applause is slightly deafening and the lights of the entire city flicker off and on a couple of times. It’s such a commotion they roll in the military guard just case. A distant star implodes.

We super hero dismount from the stage and Sebastian is there with a wet high five, “Holy fuck guys, that was insane!” “I’m not sure everyone appreciated it.” “Awww they’re too German for this shit!”

Hard to follow that up, for sure, but here’s that first girl up to do another song. She is hilariously bad but gives it her absolute all. Dancing pointing yelling sweating. Missing notes and tearing the roof off. It’s the best.

“Ready?”, “Yep!”, we’re following Sebastian outside to another bar. They stop for a smoke. I meet the other two, Luke and Ton. “Ton? Like a metric ton?”, “Yes, exactly”, “Well I heard you’re a Ton of fun!” This fairly lame dad joke lands unexpectedly well and the boys are arched back laughing, knocking planes from the sky. “I can’t be a Ton of fun tonight. Classes at 8. I’ll remember that though, that’s funny.”

There’s a girl here now with glasses joining our posse. “How did you know about that bar?”, “We just found it”, “How?”, “We have a knack for that sort of thing”, “It’s all locals and students”, James sees an opening to act baller, “I’m a student of the street!” He gives the throw down arms, “Oh… Ok.”

The students break away towards the dorms and we’re with Sebastian on to the next thing. He is hilarious. Vibrant, quick and witty. He walks us into some club. “Let’s put all our coats together. Here let me see.” He takes our hoodies and puts them inside one another and then inside his coat. He gets a hanger from the cloak room girl and puts the heavy mess on it. She’s fine with it, hands him a number. “Ok, remember this number, 41“, “That’ll be easy.”

We get into the club. It’s a blue lit smokey dance club packed with people. Sebastian and I are instantly in a guy / girl bunny hop / conga line snaking through the room. Jumping kicking stomping and tickling. Lost James though, shit. Oh there he is. Over getting drinks. I give Sebastian the universal hand signal for drinks and point. He’s on it.

Three double vodka tonics please. This place might be called Solanto. I dunno. Beside the bar is a Shisha ordering table. “Let’s get a shisha!”, “Yessssssh!”

We start ordering up a Shisha and the busty mistress is making it happen but Owner Guy holds up his hand, “Wait wait. I must show you.” And he walks away quickly. Ok. Show us what? He comes back with a Gold AK-47 Shisha. James ears peak, “No way!”, “Yes! It came today. One hour ago. You will be first to smoke it”, “Fucking eh!”

This thing is ridiculous. The pair of them get it prepped and lead us to a table up above the dancefloor behind the DJs. What the hell? This is some VIP shit. Are we gonna get bottle service?

They get the gun cooking and hand us the pipe with a bow. Time for some dragon tokes out of a gold plated AK.

“We need girls!”, Sebastian runs to find girls to smoke with us. He’s ridiculous, glad we met that guy. He hops the railing onto the dance floor. A fight starts breaking out right beside him and he’s immediately in the middle of it tapping a guy on the shoulder, calming him down. Confident that it’s been diffused he continues on his lady hunt. What a guy.

While Murphy’s hitting the Kalashnikov I run into the catacombs for a squirt. The area around the sinks is packed and overflowing with lively discussion. While I’m doing my thing I hear two guys seemingly explaining to another guy how to properly put cigarettes out on each other, like it’s a game. “You have to come to Portugal, it’s a blast!” I walk out and say, “Wait – are you guys talking about cigarettes out on each other?” They laugh, “Yeah! Yeah!” These look like normal guys, what the fuuuuuck. “And this is what you do for fun in Portugal?” They look sheepish. “Well, we do other stuff too.”

Oh Sebatian’s back. “That photographer is hot!”, “Yeah man, smokeshow”, “K, be right back” haha ok. He’s hopping the railing again. Whatever he’s on, I’ll take some.

We kill our AK and hand it back, “You like?”, “Yeah it’s great, thanks so much.” Splotchy time. Take 41 and get our coats back. Outside hugging Sebastian goodbye. “I will get 2 hours sleep. I think my hotel is that way”, “Alright man, great night. Safe travels!”

We hit Hesburger late night. It’s basically MacDonald’s but a little worse in every way and ingredient, including Coke. But we’re drunky monkeys at this point and crave shitsnacks.

They even demand money for ketchup. “How much?” “Four.” We throw down a tenner, get two packs and seven in change. The girl behind the counter looks at our drunk asses like we’re cockroaches.

Mikalo House isn’t too far. Walky. Gate code. Stairs. Keys. Inside stairs. Keys. “Killer night in Vilnius”, “Derfomarlteee”.

We open the window to our balcony. Jump off onto the wings of a giant white stork with a tiara and tight, bedazzled jeans. She flies us to the golden spongy fields of Cepelinai and we get back just in time for bed.

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