Sidetrack: Jeju Love Land

We interrupt your irregularly scheduled BEEFcast with a sexy and hilarious interlude.

NSFW Warning:  Artistic Representations of Genitals Abound

Post-BEEF I’ve continued to hide from COVID-19 in South Korea, but after riding out the initial wave in Seoul I decided to hit the road and currently find myself on the beautiful island of Jeju, several hours south of the Korean peninsula by boat.  It’s got a more tropical feel than the rest of the country and seems to have a different pace of life, not quite to the extent of a Bali or a Langkawi but definitely a vacation vibe.

I’ve been running around checking the place out, drinking soju, staying in a hostel where the next oldest person (including staff) is fifteen years younger than me, great times, and even though it’s not what I would consider my personal highlight of the island, I feel obliged to share the well-known erotic sculpture park that is Jeju Love Land.

I hiked from the town of Shin-Jeju up to the park on a hot muggy day and after a stop at the Nexon Computer Museum (which I cannot recommend enough if you’re a nerd like me) reached the entrance to Love Land red in the face and covered in sweat, the ideal look for arriving at an adults-only erotic theme park.

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I haven’t even paid for admission and we’ve already got gratuitous cock & balls.  This should be fantastic.

There are male genitals pretty much everywhere.  Anywhere an arrow could be used to indicate direction, you’ve got cocks instead.  Cocks overhead, cocks painted on the walking path, just randomly sticking out of shrubbery, it’s really something.

This is the first real sculpture, there are some people milling about taking selfies and predictably spreading their legs around it to pretend it’s their own:

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While I’m trying to get a good angle some jabroni wants to borrow my camera to take a picture of me doing something hilarious with it.  He seems way too keen though so I graciously decline and move on.

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Those appear to be functioning taps, but I really wasn’t feeling thirsty

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“Want to sit on it?”  (Not sure if that was actually allowed, but there are some functional erotic furniture pieces later…)

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“Proud Males Taking a Walk”  Hard to see from this angle but the dog had a sack about the size of a grapefruit on him.

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“Listen Up!”

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“I Am Free Today!”

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“I Am On Fire”

One thing I’ve noticed at this point is it’s almost entirely couples here, along with a few small groups of women.  The night prior to this I’d been crushing some soju when a drunk Korean girl I’d never spoken to approached me and said “I heard you’re going to Love Land tomorrow?”  I said “Yeah I think so, haha.”  She was bashful as hell despite being drunk, covered her mouth and looked around sheepishly, then asked if she could join me.  I said of course, that’d be fun.  She explained that the other people she knew at the hostel had no inclination to visit, and I said “Why not?  The pics look hilarious, cocks everywhere, it’ll be great!”  Again she looked embarrassed, but we made plans to meet at noon the next day.  When noon arrived she didn’t show up but one of her friends explained she was still in bed with a hangover and had been sick.  Now that I was at Love Land I’m kinda glad she wasn’t here, if she was that bashful even talking about this kind of stuff I can’t even imagine how she would react were she actually here with a creep like myself who she doesn’t even know…

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Grand Tetons?

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Scale is difficult to tell here, but this (working) fountain was the size of several automobiles.

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“Alice in Wondickland”

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I was halfway through the path at this point and came across a gift shop.  Ducking in for a gander there was nothing outstanding, mostly trinkets but also a large number of wood carvings like these:

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Across from the gift shop was a second building that looked like a biodome, and had these “Three Angels” looking over the entryway:

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The first floor of the dome was kind of a sex ed display, starting with glass cases full of condoms, lube, vibrators, dildos, standard stuff, and explanations in Korean about how things worked.  That moved into a little bit spicier territory with some light S&M gear but certainly nothing heavy of the sort we’ve had on this blog before.  There were also some faded 1970s-looking photos of different sex positions.  There was a second gift shop in here selling all sorts of the equipment they had on display.  Unfortunately no beer though, which is really what I was on the hunt for.

Things got way better on the second floor of the biodome, there was even a warning about preparing yourself for “imaginative” dioramas.  (Pardon the glare, it wasn’t terribly well-lit and most were behind glass.)  They start out pretty tame but soon get pretty ridiculous…

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This classroom scene with a mirror up the teacher’s skirt is where it started to escalate.  I wish I’d written down the title of this piece, a lot of them were funny and provocative, I believe this one was named something outrageous…

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Reminiscent of the classic question:  What’s sexier, a mermaid with a fish bottom and a human top, or a mermaid with a fish top and a human bottom?

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I think this one was called “GI Joe on Leave” or something along those lines

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On the other side of this peeping scene were male stalls that included a guy cranking it with a porno mag

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Well that was fun.  Outside the next trail leads a little garden with a theme of sex around the world – statues with styles representing different places, like a dirty Epcot Center.  In order, they are Japan, Africa, Greece, India and Europe:

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Perhaps my favourite piece of the whole place, unfortunately it’s a bit blurry but it’s titled “A Dog Must Follow His Master”, and the dude and his dog are giving each other Churchillian V-for-Victory signs:

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The next section was kind of a “hall of dicks”.  After entering between two female legs, there were a series of alcoves with various stylized manmeats, a selection of which I have included:

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“Twisted Mushrooms”

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“Ma’am, A Special Dick Just For You!!!”  – actual title

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“The Dragon Penis”

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“Veins All Pumped Up”

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“I’ve Taken Many Flowers!”

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“Edged Tower”

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“What Women Want”

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“Terminator”  (Yes those are circuitboards inside of it)

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Another themed section was ahead, this time with several pieces of large, aggressive women and small, frightened men, with titles like “I’m Not Finished Yet!” and “You Aren’t Getting Away That Easy!”…  Maybe a little rapey… ?

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There were a few more pieces, and again some random junk sticking out of trees and bushes here and there, as well as this great functional and stylish manage a trois park bench to relax before the exit.

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