DM Baar / Bar Bar / Brothel Bar

Depeche Mode Bar

Satisfied with Plan B on the roster we spin down to town square to find a good Tallinn sauce slinger. The night is an infant so lots of time to get silly before trying to catch flights to Munich tomorrow. We do another spin round Town Hall Square to see if anything jumps out at us. Nothing really does. It doesn’t seem like Old Town is packing much party power.

Down a street by the square we find a sign for a place called DM Baar that also has Depeche Mode on it. “Is this a Depeche Mode themed bar?”, “Yeah maybe, let’s check it out.”

Yep, this is totally a Depeche Mode themed bar. Interesting. Someone must be a super fan. We strut in and ‘Walking in my Shoes’ is playing. Nice, I haven’t listened to these guys in a bit. Good vibe in here, nice lighting. Smoking hot blonde girl bored as hell on her phone behind the bar since there is absolutely no one else in here. 

We go say hi and drop into 3 double gin and tonics. Get the drinks and take a look around. There are multiple rooms. Some fun little nooks to hang in. An indoor smoking room in the back and an arcade room? What is going on with this place?

Oogie and I play Metal Slug for a bit just for shits. “Why am I a mummy?”, “Haha oh fuck, me too!”

I go pick up another round from the bartender and shoot the shit while she’s making them. “Soooooo.. Depeche Mode fan I take it?”, “I am fan. Not super fan. Just been to one concert”, “Yeah, me too. They are good though”, “Did you see them somewhere here?”, “Oh no no. America. It was at Austin City Limits in Texas”, “Oh cool”, “Big Festival. Really fun. They were really fantastic actually”, “Maybe we are bigger fans?”, “Haha yeah maybe.” I thank her for the drinks and join the boys under a big Ultra sign. Mean muggin’

The bartender puts a live DM concert on a flat screen against the wall and we get sucked in almost immediately. It’s fucking fantastic, what the hell? DM respect.

There is a ridiculous amount of Depeche Mode paraphernalia everywhere. Album covers, lyrics, sheet music of their songs, band member bios, concert set lists, etc… “This is like a Depeche Mode Museum”, “It totally is. I’m learning a lot actually haha”

Here’s Dave Gahan’s bio plastered on the table we’re drinking at. The Jerk?! Great movie. Favorite Video – Sabotage, Beastie Boys – this guy’s right up our alley. Biggest Niggle? haha. This is great.

Cool bar. Good atmosphere. You’d think that listening to one band for hours might get lame, but there’s a ton of variety in here, especially once the concert ends and the 80’s videos start up. Just can’t get enough. Man, I forgot about all of these tunes. Good speakers in here. This Depeche Mode bar is turning out to be way more fun than expected. 

Master and Servant video.. hilarious. Great dance moves. So young!

“I’ve gotta tell Silvia we’re at a Depeche Mode bar.” My Venezuelan friend back in California is a fan. I send some pics of the bar and she gets right back, “Look at those Violator shirts!” haha. She’ll have to get to Tallinn some day. Oogie takes a look over, “Oh yeah, I should totally get a shirt”, “Depeche Mode shirt from Tallinn? Oh for sure.” 

We go over to the bar for another round and a shirt. One of the bartender’s friends has come in and they’re laughing about something as we walk up. Oogie gets a shirt and I introduce myself to the new girl. She is a total metal chick with leather, piercings and tats and a goth haircut that’s dyed super bright red. Says her name is Birlket. “Burlkit?”, “You need to roll the Arr. Birrrrrlket”, “Roll the Arr? We don’t have that in Canada. Just hard pirate sounding Arrs. Birrlket?”, “Almost haha, Birrrrrrlket”, “Well Birrrrrrrlket do you know any good metal bars in Tallinn?”, “Metal bar?”, “Yeah we like finding metal bars. Metal music, you know. Always has good people”, “Hmmm yes. There is one called Bar Bar”, “Bar Bar? A bar called Bar Bar”, “Haha yes, exactly. But not in Old Town, you must go outside the walls”, “Ok we’ll find it. Thanks Birrrrrrlket!”

Bar Bar

We settle up with Blonde Mini-Fan, get Oogie a shirt and make tracks out of the Tallinn walls into the more modern high rise area of town. Walking through a park and suddenly Oogie runs off and scales a giant statue to sit on it. I snap a pic. Yep, drinks are kicking in.

Directions get us to Bar Bar without much issue. Not many people in here. No one on the streets either. Doesn’t seem like Tallinn is a raucous spot like Riga was. Or maybe just a slow Wednesday night.

We get a table, drop the jackets off and go to the bar for another round of drinks. Hmmm not much selection on the booze shelf, gin and tonics may be out of this metal bar’s league. We get some whiskeys instead and settle in. There’s only one other table of folks in here and they seem to be in a pretty involved conversation, don’t really wanna interrupt.

There is some great metal blaring in here but I have no idea what it is. Shazam doesn’t recognize it either. This is kind of a cool place but it’s a bit of a bust at the moment. I challenge Oogie to a game of pool for lack of anything better to do.

They’re showcasing some interesting artwork in here. Charcoal drawings of a naked chick with spikes coming out of her back.

Then around the room there are assorted paintings all in the same style of passed away rock stars skeletonized with song lyrics written underneath.

Not sure who this is supposed to be..

Dimebag rocked.

As did Dio.

I destroy Oogie at pool. I think he’s turned the corner into mega-drunk mode now so there’s no validation of my mediocre pool skills to be had really. I take another glance around. They must have a house band that leaves their gear here. By the front window there are two Marshall half stacks and an Ampeg bass stack with a Mark Bass head. That’s funny, it’s the same shit I have in the garage back home. A decent Tama drum set too. It’s not top notch but it is definitely decent gear. There’s a booth for a sound guy too. This all looks legit, they must have good live music here.

We get another round of drinks but the place is d.e.a.d dead. We decide to just slam them and make our way back. Place looks like it’s gonna close up anyways. I suppose it is getting late and we do have to get up semi-early to catch a ride to the airport.

BAAR?

We come back through the Old Town walls and are around Raekoja Plats again on the way towards Munkenhoff. Oogie doesn’t think he can make it any further, his pee alarm is going off big time. I point to some nondescript bar, “This place looks open”, “YeS!” and he dashes down the stairs. We wait for a second. “Might as well check it out though, eh?”, “Yeah I suppose so.”

We come down the steps and into a small, slightly fancy place. There are a few tables of people here and there. The bar seats are totally empty. While we wait for Oogie to hit the head we sit at the bar and get some gin and tonics.

There are a lot of really done up ladies in here just milling about behind the bar area. One is serving a table nearby in a short short skirt. Hmmm what’s happening here? There are signs on the wall that say there are hot tubs and massages down the hall. Private rooms, book by the hour. Yep yep yep, looks like we’ve stumbled into a brothel here by accident thanks to Oogie’s bladder.

The girls are eyeing us up expectingly. It’s late on a Wednesday night, why the hell else would we be down here if not for casual sex?

I start telling Oogie about my time in Beijing when an Indian dude I’d just met and I got rolled by a similar place for around three hunny over nothing. “Lady Tip!” (story for another time). MacKay talks about a similar experience in Singapore. Gotta be careful around these types of places, they’ll stack you for not doing anything at all.

The girl behind the bar is cleaning glasses and listening to us. “You are paranoid. I do not think you need worry. This is not that kind place. Relax. Please. Enjoy drink.” That’s true, nothing too crazy happening here. All girls actually. Not even a bouncer or some kind of security in the room. No aggressive hype dude trying to up sell us with a line of girls. Alright, maybe we’re over reacting. Probably a little too sauced as well. We Depeche Mode’d our way into a bundle of drinks tonight.

“Another round?”, “Sure why not. Flight is still… 6 hours from now.”

We chill with the bartender girl who ends up being sweet and listening to our travels up until now. A girl comes around to listen for a bit then takes off. Then another. They’re cycling in and out in front of us like cats, just passively advertising. Casting lines and seeing if anything bites. We don’t.

We finish up the round and are reluctant to get going. But the clock is ticking down to that flight and if we keep twirling we’ll all fall down. Nope, best get a move on. We thank the girls and stomp back up to the square. Not a single person out here. Got the town all to ourselves.

“Well thanks for taking us to that brothel, Oogie”, “I didn’t know that’s what it was! I just had to pee”, “Sure, sure haha”, “I swear!”, “I know. Just messing.” Damn even Hesburger and MacDonald’s are closed at this point. 

We get back to the hostel and score some Snickers and water from the front desk girl. James makes me buy a ramen for 1 euros. Yeah, that’s not a bad idea. I go and get one. Find a kettle in the kitchen and put some water on. Then he goes to get his own. Oh Eugene wants one too. I make a third trip up to the front for ramen, “Sorry for being annoying”, “Could you guys bring the voices down”, “Ahhhh.. yeah, of course.” That’s weird, we’re not even being loud. Oh maybe they’ve confused us with the other people in the common room who sound like they’re on drugs. 

A couple rushes by the kitchen and into the bathroom. Oogie and I hear the door slam and they immediately start having sex against it. It’s insanely loud. Reverberating throughout the whole kitchen. MacKay comes back from the bathroom area to the table where we’re drunk eating noodles. “You see that?”, “Yeah, crazy”, “The dude from the hostel just totally banged a meth head. They stuffed it full of towels. Girls teeth were full of shit. Had a thirty second slam. Super gross.” Ramen noodles just hanging from my mouth in disbelief.

Ok. 5 hours until our flight to Munich. Better shut’r down.

And then we hopped on the back of a bright blue Barn Swallow who flew us to a fresh nest in the rafters of a Toompea Tower where we played crazy eight countdown with a clever, cloaked Grey Wolf. Got back just in time for bed.

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