Evening in Krakow

The same two blonde girls we sat behind on the bus over here to Auschwitz are taking our bus back to Krakow. “Hey bus buddies!” They were trying to sleep off their hangovers on the way here (again, samesies) but the meddlesome kid that kept waking Murphy was also kicking one of their seats. One of them was also banged up from bailing on a scooter last night. “Too much wine and too many potholes.”

They’re here for a week from New York, one of them was born here in Poland so she speaks the language, knows the places and food. Perfect tour guide. They’re going to Zakopane, the gateway to the Tatra Mountains and by all accounts amazing, on Thursday. They’re expecting snow.

We get off the bus and Krakow is looking splendid lit up in the early evening

We’re not really sure about our next move so we decide get on the brain suds, those’ll help us sort this out.

The main square of the old town turns out to be a few hundred metres from where we went last night – just took a left when we should’ve taken a right. The place is awesome, dozens of great looking restaurants with outdoor seating, beautiful architecture and friggin horse-drawn carriages carting folks around. It’s astounding, how did we miss this? Krakow redeemed times infinity

We sit down with some suds and order up a traditional Polish meat platter. It’s ridiculous. The platter for two could feed a meerkat army.

We make a dent, but c’mon. This is silly.

It’s our friend Ali’s birthday so we toss a selfie and a bunch of the above pics her way.

Investigation on an overnight train to Warsaw leads us to find there’s one train left and it’ll drop us there at 1 am. That sounds terrible – can’t check into many hostels that late and sleeping in train stations isn’t ideal. Scratch that idea – we’ll behave tonight and get up early tomorrow, get into Warsaw fresh and clean and with a whole day to work with.

Seated next to us are a couple of English-speaking ladies slowly picking away at their food – also portions way larger than expected or wanted. An Indian girl and a powder-white faced Chinese girl. They’re an interesting pair. The server is a funny guy who jokingly berates them about not finishing the whole thing – “I hope you finish the whole thing, if not I will cry.” Everyone laughs and he follows it up with “Or maybe I will be more dramatic and kill myself.” Haha, wow. He kind of shrugs and says defeatedly, “Women.”

Not long after he returns to ask about dessert and the ladies decline “Do you want anything else? Only one dessert? No vodka? Double, triple, no ice, something like that”, “No no”, he shrugs and again a dejected, “Women.” As they’re leaving he fist bumps them and walking past us lets one more “Women.” Funny guy but kind of a strange shtick.

We go back to One World Hostel and ask about another room for the night. They don’t have any privates on site but we can upgrade to an apartment. They have one down the street for 45 bucks. Sure. We’re on the case. It’s even closer to the square and around a bunch of cool bars. By the English soccer club that I mentioned looked rad earlier. Down an alley and we find the reception. It’s closed. Alright up to a caged door. It’s open. Up some old ass wooden steps.

Top floor. James tries the door. Nope. Let me try. Yep. Baller spot. What the hell?

$45 bucks for this? Right off the main square. Poland rules.

And it’s boxer time! We kick it on our massive sectional sofas and pull up some music videos on the TV. Some band, Komodo, doing a cover of I just died in your arms tonight. It’s just a girl pole dancing. Has nothing to do with the song.

Up next is a band called Slider and Magnit. The song Morze. Wow. A girl calls a cleaning service and Slider and fucking Magnit come over while she’s just dancing in athletic gear and wash the windows. What is up with these videos?

“She’s totally going to spill it on her chest. Here it comes. You know it’s gonna happen. Yep, there it is!”, “Do you wanna be Slider or Magnet?” MacKay takes Slider. Alright, I’ll be Magnet. “Slider and Magnet, on the case”, “What was it the other day?”, “Konrad and Merlin”, “Damn, I don’t know which one’s better.”

After this is The Calling – Wherever you go. I forgot this song existed. Wish I hadn’t been reminded actually.

Then it’s Tones and I – Dance Monkey. Catchy song, I can see this getting stuck in our heads for a while. Dressed up in old guy makeup and going golfing. Bunch of old folks in golf gear dancing. WTF?

Ok, that should do it. I think we’ve successfully kept it low key-ish tonight. Might actually get a decent sleep in. And then Warsaw tomorrow. That should be good.

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