The Dad Bod Experience

Wake up in our 8 bed dorm still by ourselves. Hit the showers. One World Hostel is a bustling place this morning, their beds to bathroom/showers ratio may need some adjusting. There’s a free breakfast with a decent spread of cereals, breads, meat, cheese, fruits and coffee. I pick up a medley.

Two older ladies are constantly cleaning everything and smiling at everyone. One is a super metal looking mid-50s woman with short spikey dyed pink hair and red pants so tight they’re crammed way up her ass. But she sure doesn’t care and power to her.

Zakopane, the winter capital of Poland, is on the breakfast room TV. Looks like a pretty place, probably worth a visit.

Pouring a coffee and I’m shakey as shit this morning. We’re in rough shape.

James comes in to join, “Shouldn’t have stayed up watching K-pop videos so late”, “Doing research for DBX?”, “Haha yep.” Oh right, we’re still laughing about this stupid idea for a boy band we came up with at some point drunk on the train yesterday:
DBX – The Dad Bod Experience.

Five middle aged dads. Kids are in school and they’re getting back to what they do best, five-part harmonies and choreographed dance moves. Each one has their own personality, Bad Dad, Hipster Dad, Nerd Dad, Goofy Dad, Jock Dad, etc… The music should be top notch and dance moves should be past their prime acceptable at best. We were coming up with funny song names and shit. Bunch of dad puns. Actually surprised this isn’t a movie already.

Now yesterday when we doubled down on day drunk sillies this was all hilarious. But now that the giddyness and idealistic zeal for life has been replaced with a hangover feeling of near death, DBX is just mildly amusing at best and we’ve renamed it The Douchebag Experience.

A flotilla of 20 teenagers comes in and takes over the joint. Their high-pitched voices and chipper moods are jarring to my general disdain of all creation this morning. That’s our cue.

We’re both tired and spent as we jam pack our bags again. Might be a chill night in Warsaw tonight. If we ever get the fuck out of here. James is knocked out again.

I go back and get more coffee. The door to another dorm room swings open and it is packed in there. Guess James and I lucked out.

Alright, finally ready to go. We ask to stash our bags, “Of course, no problem.”

We thank the front desk super model at One World and head to the bus station. It’s just around the corner. Is this where we got out yesterday? If so we are super dumb.

We get a bus ticket, grab the cool guy back seats and try to crash out on the ride to Auschwitz. A little kid and his mom come back and sit right beside me. His leg is against mine and he’s shakey and twitchy. Tapping my foot with his foot. C’mon lil dude, I’ve only slept 3 of the last 5 days. Give me a break. Nope, he’s amped up.

We pull into Auschwitz and the parking lot is full of buses and people. Not sure how long this tour is so we’d better grab a snack and some water.

There’s a snack stand nearby, “Wanna get a hot dog?”, “Seems like a weird place to eat a hot dog, but yeah.” The hot dogs are in this strange bread that is hard to bite through. Thin stupid hot dog too and a gallon of ketchup. We’re clamping down our teeth and tearing it away every bite. This takes much longer than expected. “Wow. Auschwitz has terrible hot dogs”, long pause where a joke could go, “I don’t think I’m gonna comment on that”, “Yeah, for the best.”

We go to the front entrance area. You have to pay 2 zloty to use the bathroom here. We’ve started calling this “Going zloty potty.” Alright, I think we’re ready to go in. If you can ever really be ‘ready’ for this sort of thing.

We go to the ticket booth. They only do guided tours between 10am and 4pm. Next English one isn’t until 3 so we’ve got two hours to kill. Beer? Beer.

We walk across the street and stoll passed some hotels. It turns into a more industrial style area with mechanics shops and things of the like. We do a loop around and back to a hotel patio for a beer. It’s relaxing, getting a little life back in is now

“Ahhh isn’t that our server. She’s driving away. Yep she’s gone.” We haven’t paid for anything yet. We finish up our beers and pay the next waitress.

Ok it’s time. Into Auschwitz.

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