Last day in Yorkshire

Wake up at 9am. Damn birds out the window. And kids on the trampoline again. And is that a nasty bug bite on my ankle? What the hell, it’s all swollen. Hurts to walk on it. Fuck. No no no I need more sleeeeep than this, it’s only been like 4 hours. Fuck you jet lag. Gaaaaah I grab a shower. So cranky. What am I gonna do no…zzzzzz. Fall back asleep until 230pm.

Peter and I are useless humans today. We toss and turn in our beds and bitch and moan and fall back asleep. Hours go passed. Usually this would be a good type of day to catch up on the blog but I’m so dumb and incapacitated. I can’t make decisions or concentrate. I think we got so messed up on Friday that it induced a 2-day hangover. But instead of allowing that, we jumped back on it last night and doubled down. We doubled up on kebabs too and the gurglies are real. We’ve also been super jet lagged and then staying up until sunrise multiple nights. All of this has combined to the perfect hangover. And we just lay there.

I finally muster enough energy to look into safari vehicles for when we actually get to the real part of this vacation. Still no luck. Shit. I’m no Israeli Pescatarian, but maybe we should have planned this out a little more in advance. I fire off an array of inquiries to as many companies as I can find. I go back through the ones we’ve already done and explain we could pick things up in Johannesburg if need be. That would mean Peter and I eating the cost of this rig for a week, but if it means we’ll have one lined up during peak season, that might be what we have to do. Fuck. Not sure what we’ll do if this bombs.

We get our shit together and make our way back to Peter’s moms place. Done this drive a few times now on this trip and the last time I was here. It’s a pretty back road route through rolling golden hills with horses on them. Feels like old country. It’s dotted with classic looking pubs and old English buildings.




We get to Sue and Dave’s place. The sun is setting as we arrive. We go around back to the garden and Smudge the cat is there to greet us.



Peter’s mom has ordered a feast of Chinese food from a takeaway joint nearby. We make up some plates and relax outside with them for a bit. Neither of us have much of an appetite unfortunately but the stomachs are settling and our moods seem to be improving. Dave offers me a pint. Sure why not? Might help the situation. “You need a real Yorkshire brew”, “It’s good, tastes a bit like a Newcastle brown”


We finish our food and it’s getting late in the day now. Time to get another visit in with Peter’s dad. Sue and Dave give us both some big warm hugs, “Oh that was nice. Felt like hugging Brian May!” We give them our thanks for the hospitality and they wish us well on our trip. Real vacation time is starting up, we’re off to Dubai bright and early in the morning.

Peter drops me back at the New Inn pub while he goes back to the hospital. I guess this is my new local spot. Don’t see Lexi or the owner from the other day here now. I go up to the bar and order up another Doom Bar cask ale. “All I have is a card”, “5 dollar minimum, Love”, “Two beers it is then!” My card makes the machine print out a big receipt to sign, “Oh you don’t put in a pin?”, “No it’s an American card”, “Oh so your from America obviously, where abouts?”, “Well I’m Canadian actually but live in California” I give her the same spiel I gave the bartender the other day about us visiting England, going to Dubai tomorrow and then into South Africa. “Wow, I’m jealous!”

I get set up in my usual seat and open up the lappy to check on 4×4 rentals. No hits yet, shit.


It’s kind of rowdy in here for a Sunday. The owner comes in and is surprised to see me, he comes right over to shake my hand. “Not off yet?”, “Nope, we fly out tomorrow morning so I’m here for one last pint while my buddy visits his dad”, “I like how you think. How’s he doing?” Nice folk here in Yorkshire.

A pretty girl comes around the corner in a Sunday dress. “This is Amanda. She’s 27. Ain’t she a dandy?’, “Haha yes, very pretty” She gets red in the face and punches him in the arm, “C’mon now. You trying to set me up?”, “He’s a nice Canadian boy! Traveling the world” These guys are great.

I finish my pint and Bartender Girl brings over my second. Perfect timing. The owner comes back in and puts an empty pint glass on the bar, “Wash that glass and wash it now you dirty bitch!” haha what? “You shut up you fat asshole bastard!”, “You make it clean you bitch” She has half a smirk on and is firing right back, I can tell this is fairly normal back and forth. “That’s how we talk to bitches ‘ere in England, right bitch?”, “I’m gonna wallop you!”, “Just clean the glass bitch!” And he ducks around the corner. He pokes his head back around “Pleeeeeease” and he disappears again giggling to himself. Hilarious wth. “Oh he’ll be the death of me”, she rolls her eyes and starts washing the glass.

Peter comes round to collect me and I go out to the back balcony where the bartender, owner, and my arranged wife Amanda are sitting. “Need something, Love?”, “No, I’m just taking off is all”, “Oh that’s nice of you. Have a great trip, hope we’ll see you again some day”, “Thanks again, so long.”

We get back to the AirBnB and it’s already 11pm. Hard to tell that the day is sliding by when it’s still light out until midnight. “So set an alarm for 5 then?” ahhhhhhhhg shit. Yep, I’m not sure our bodies will acclimatize to the schedule of this trip any time soon.

Dubai tomorrow. It’s getting real now.

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