Wakefield Threesomes

We get down a place called The Establishment and are stopped at the door, “We can’t let him in with sneakers”, “Awww c’mon mate, he’s visiting from Canada”, “Sorry, it’s policy. If you guys were here earlier it’s fine to stay in, but we enforce the dress code after 10pm.”, “So you’re saying that there are people with sneakers on in there, but it’s ok because they were here before 10?”, “Yes”, “Ok well, I’m not really understanding the point of the dress code then if inside there is actually no dress code haha”, “I know, it’s stupid but that’s what it is. you guys seem like nice guys but we just can’t let you in”, “It’s cool, no worries.”

We find another place a few steps away. There are a ton of bars in this area of Wakefield and the nightlife is cranking. I remember blowing this place up back before the Mongol Rally and it is wild. We hit a bar with an open terrace. Peter runs in to grab a few drinks and I’m left outside by myself. A doe-eyed girl can’t stop looking at me. Her friend can’t stop looking at the floor and self-dancing. They seem super tipsy. Doey comes over and feels my hair, “Oh my god is it natural?”, “Yeah”, “I love it” she’s inching in closer. Her name is Becky and her friend is Kim. Kim apologizes for not being able to maintain and continues half turned away to shimmy to some music in the distance.

Peter comes back with the drinks and Becky pokes Kim, “Look at him. And look at him. Oh my god I want a threesome!”, “A threesome, really?”, “Yes! I’d start with him (Peter) and then do him”, “Nope, if we’re having a threesome it’s happening all at the same time”, Becky laughs at this and I can tell by her smile that she’s imagining it all in her head. Kim looks like she’s going to be sick though, “I need to take Kim to a taxi, I’ll be right back!”

And they stumble up the hill towards the street, two blasted drunk waifs in need of barf bags and threesomes. “Well, threesome?”, “Nah dude”, “What?! I’m offended that you won’t have a threesome with me”, “You’re engaged, dude”, “So you won’t have sex with me because I’m engaged? Peeeeter hahaha” Ok, enough threesome shenanighans, off to the next bar.

We meet a couple dudes on the patio that are rolling too and they lead us to another spot. Got their names but too many drinks in to actually remember them.

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We get into a spot called Fanny and Bacardi. It’s a night club with a dance floor, bar and outside chill/smoking area. Go up to the bar and continue on the gin and tonic train. The bartender has a hard time with my card and so I explain that he’ll have to print off the receipt and I need to sign it. A girl next to me overhears this whole thing and is wide-eyed staring at me, “What is that? I’ve never heard that before. Say something else”, “What my accent? You just want me to talk?”, “Ohhh my GOD! Say something else!”, “You’ve never met someone from Canada before?”, “Nooooo, I love it!”

At this point Peter realizes I’m hitting it off with a mega hot girl and he swoops in to intercept. That’s fine, I’m engaged, as he pointed out earlier. She’s got a friend that is now eyeing me up too though That girl touches my arm and points to the dance floor. She’s cute, shit. So what I’m gathering is that you should come to Wakefield if you’re single because it’s insanely easy to pick up. I’ve talked to 2 girls and been offered a threesome and now this one wants to dance. But I’m a little engaged and not looking to pick up so I refrain from hitting the dance floor even though she’s eyeing me up seductively over there.

We go outside because the first girl wants a smoke. She ends up being really cool actually and not that hammered, just enamored with my ‘accent’. We shoot the shit and tell her about our trip coming up. She loves it.

Places are closing up shop and the ugly lights are coming on. We say goodbye to our new friends and hit up a kebab shop for some crazy looking street food. So much sauce and meat! I’m not sure drunk food gets better (or worse?) than this. Maybe donair pizza.

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We start cracking up at this pic but then realize how bright out it is. Oh shit, we need to get home, the sun is fully up.

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We grab a taxi and get back to the AirBnB. I finish up my kebab but get most of it on my white Aggretsuko shirt that Queenie gave me for my birthday. Fuck! I hope that comes ou… zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

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