Queenie asks if I want a Thai massage on the beach. I’d wanted to get this for her tomorrow for her birthday but now that the offer is on the table and she’s all pumped about it I think I’ll have to just let it happen. “Are they even going to want to touch me with all these hives everywhere?”, “Ohhh Beeee, let’s go find out!”

My hope was that a massage will get the blood flowing, knock out some toxins and push these crazy hives the hell out of my body.

Queenie went with coconut oil and I opted for Aloe Vera hoping it will sooth my current nastiness. The massage was an effort in tolerance. It was super relaxing but at the same time having someone rub your insanely itchy and burning hot welts over with a strong hand is not overly comfortable. So it was a pleasure and pain experience, unique as far as massages go for sure.

I had an older lady, soft in nature and whispering soothing I don’t know what’s into my ear in Thai. She pointed at my arm once and I just said “allergies, not contagious”, “Ehhhhn” was all she said, not sure whether she understood or not. She continued through the entire hour unphased.

We disrobed on the beach in front of some Euro hotties and got under the blankets. The Aloe was nice on my skin and she slathered it on gratuitously. This girl was a master of gentle and firm, digging deep into the muscles, getting her knees up on me while pushing with her hands and leaning in with elbows. At one point she was walking on my back. Another she was “ha! ha!” slapping the recently smoothed muscles and joints. She worked out all the kinks. I enjoyed the foot massage to sudden pulling on the toes cracking part the most maybe.

Afterwards she pulled my arms across my back and put her feet into my back holding my crossed arms from behind. She pushed out with her legs and my spine cracked a bit. Feet a little higher and snap snap. Then she twisted my neck and massaged my scalp and we were done.

She was still worried about my welts and took some sort of mint lotion and slapped it onto the more mountainous regions. It burned a bit but ultimately felt good.

We got our clothes back on and went back to meet up with Nick and Jamie who were drinking in a nearby cabana. “Well, that looked amazing, I think I might get one too.” And Nick was off for an hour of his own.

There was a full on thunderstorm going on now. The whole time we’d been on the island it was just in and out. Kind of prohibitive to going hiking or seeing sights, but we were pretty content with our beachside bungalow and drinks.

Ok, but here’s the actual results of the massage. You know how you’re not supposed to itch hives cuz they’ll spread? So now I basically had two sausage tube arms and bloated club fists. All of the affected area behind my ears was now spread through my scalp from the head massage. My legs were now covered instead of blotchy. Basically she’d spread all of the hives out all over and through my body in the worst possible way and I was an absolute mess of heated itchy shit. Total backfire.

Regardless, I refuse to be a burden and we’re back in the common area grabbing a drink with some hostel goers. Nick is there with a solid high five and “Damn that massage felt good!”

We meet a group of girls from Europe. One is from Austria so I ask her where abouts, “Klagenfurt”, “Oh yeah I’ve been there?”, “What? you’ve been there?”, “yeah, right before you get to Slovenia right, by the mountains pass before the tunnels?”, “Yes that is the place, I can’t believe you’ve been there!”, “We just stopped and got some booze and snacks at a gas station, can’t say I’ve really been there. It started hailing like crazy and we pulled over because we couldn’t see anything. There was a crazy castle on the cliff we got pics of”, “Which one?”, “I dunno, looked like Dracula’s castle, it was amazing”, “Wow, I can’t believe you’ve been there, why were you driving through Austria?”… stories for another time.

They were leaving for some food and Nick joined up with them. We’d just ordered some snackies so we stayed behind and said we’d meet up later.

Truthfully though I was still in a sad state and needed to just lay down. The wave of fever rolled back in and I just couldn’t hang so I went back to the bungalow and just laid down. It was only 7pm or something.

Drisdelle and Queenie floated in and out of the bungalow while I was on the bed fevered out. They said they were going into town but I couldn’t muster the energy. I just lay there for the remainder of the night. I wanted to blog but didn’t want my negativity to pour onto the pages so I just sat there hoping SaChiX had drank his mirth of my ill content and would just leave me be.

This was not the case. As yet another thunderstorm rolled in during the night I found my condition getting even worse. It had moved to my hands and they were sore to open and close. My face was getting swollen and I could feel it infringing on my eyes. The sockets were sore and opening and closing my eyes was getting painful. I was in the sorriest state I can describe, just a festering fool of misery.

Late late into the night I still couldn’t sleep and could feel a pang on my throat. Fuck this is it, I thought. Anaphylaxis is coming on, I need to go to the hospital immediately. I tried to swallow. Still could. Hurt a bit. Fuck.

I opened my eyes briefly when Drisdelle and Queenie came back at I don’t know o’clock. They brought chocolate covered bananas and some street meats but I couldn’t gather the energy to entertain it. I just lay in the most comfortable way I could. No moving. Everything hurts.

The massive thunderstorm lasted through the rest of the night. Rattling our bungalow with intense deep thunder rolls.

The last thing I looked up on my phone was how to perform a tracheotomy with a pen. I’d seen this in the worst case scenarios handbook once. I figured James would be the one to do it. He might even enjoy it. I was finally fatigued enough near sunrise to fall asleep despite my worst fears of my throat closing over. I just left the phone on my chest.