We hop off the flight and follow signs for on arrival visa. A security dude headshakes “Nope” and throws a windmill point combo for “Go that way.”

Agent Getz and I get in line but Queenie isn’t allowed in our line. We’re given no explanation why. Queenie just gives this defeated look and says “I don’t know, I’ll meet you on that side. They said I have to go to gate 2”

Getz and I queue up to the customs dude, there’s only one person in front of us. We’re a little worried considering they almost didn’t let us on the plane to come here because we had no return flights or reservations. My plan is to not even show that yellow piece of paper we signed unless it is asked for. And I’ll just wing the rest hoping that I can convince the guy that we’re on a massive adventure through multiple countries, etc, etc…

He calls me forward. I say hello and I hand him my passport and arrival form. He just looks at me blankly. Ooooookaaaay. He looks down at my passport picture and then up at my with a big ol smile. Ahh oookay. He grabs the stamp and boom boom, I’m in!

Moments later Drisdelle is on the other side with me. We’re just laughing. We don’t have visas, flights out or a confirmed hotel, all the things they said we needed. I guess the guy just looked at our Canadian passports and dgaf.

At this point I realize that the yellow piece of paper that Queenie and I signed is in my pocket and I’m not with Queenie. Shiiiiit. “Let’s go find her”, “She’ll be fine”. Well no. This wasn’t the case at all.

We walk the length of the baggage claim area past the customs officers looking for Queenie on the other side. No sign of her. Hmmmmm. We walk back to where we came through. No sign of her. Well shit. I Text her a message. Nothing. Hmmmm. I find some open wifi and fire up Facebook messenger, “What’s happening, where’s the Q??” She gets back to me with “I got rejected!” Ohhhhhh fuck.

Since Queenie didn’t have proof of a flight leaving Bangkok she wasn’t allowed in the country. So now she’s just in no man’s land between the gate and the immigration gate. There’s no where to buy a ticket on that side and it doesn’t seem like anyone is being very helpful.

I tell Queenie to buy a ticket online from Bangkok to Siem Reap in Cambodia. She’s searching. So now not only is she not allowed in, she has the frustration of searching for flights as well. She finds one. Fills everything out. Her card doesn’t work. Fuck sakes. “Try another card?”, “I tried my debit and credit card, neither one worked.” She went directly to the airlines website instead of through Kayak. Cards still don’t work. She’s so rattled at this point. “I’ll go buy you a ticket and email it to you, will that work?”, “I don’t know, we might as well try.”

While this was all going down Drisdelle and I go up to the Bangkok airways ticketing booth and are figuring out flights to the island of Koh Samui. We figured we might as well head straight to the islands and have a little vacation before MacKay gets into Bangkok on Tuesday, then do it up proper once he arrives (if we even can post-king).

“Something’s smelling pretty ripe”, “Yeah, that’s me”, “I think it is you”, shirt check…aghhhhh, “Oh yeah, definitely me.”

I get Queenie to send me a picture of her passport and we’re able to nab 3 tickets to Koh Samui for two hours from now figuring we’ll have this whole border thing figured out by then. (Spoiler alert: we don’t fucking get it sorted out in the next 2 hours).

After getting the Koh Samui tickets we head to the Thai Smile booth, that is the company with the flight to Siem Reap that Queenie was unable to book online. She’s heading to Taipei in a week to see family while the rest of us are continuing on the trip. I use her same passport photo and get her a return ticket to Siem Reap and back to Bangkok since flights from Bangkok to Taipei are cheaper than Siem Reap or Phenom Penh to Taipei. I use her email address as the confirmation email. She gets the email. She goes to the immigration gate again. Expecting this to work, Drisdelle and I head down to the Bangkok airways booth to wait for her since we need to check in to our flight to Koh Samui soon and they close the counter 40 minutes before check in. Clocks ticking down. It’s always a race.

Aaaaaand Queenie gets denied entry again. Unfuckingbelievable. She has a flight out but when she comes back to Bangkok after Siem Reap she doesn’t have another flight from Bangkok to Taipei yet. I’m livid, “What the fuck does that matter, you have the flight out for this instance, you have a week to book the other one before re-entering the country!” Queenie is beside herself, “I know! He won’t let me in. I even showed him my flight from Taipei back to LAX, he doesn’t care!” What the fuck is wrong with this guy!

Ok, so now Drisdelle and I are racing to the Thai airlines booth to book Queenie her third ticket of the day, one out of Bangkok for the second time and into Taipei. The only one they have is at 6pm. Queenie would have to sit in the airport all day after getting in from Siem Reap in the early morning. “Is there no other ticket?”, “Not from them”, “Ok let me look online”, Drisdelle looks at me funny, “Shouldn’t she just take what she can get at this point to get into the country”, “I dunno man, let’s give it a minute.”

Queenie finds a ticket from Bangkok to Taipei online. Her card even fucking works to book it. Oh God finally!

Drisdelle and I rush to the Bangkok Airways booth to check in before the sub 40 minute cut off. “I just want to drink a bucket of Whiskey on the beach, is that too much to ask?” We get there just in time and get checked in. “And where’s the miss Yan?”, “She’s coming, she’s coming. She should be here any minute.” Yeah.. where is miss Yan? I look at my phone. Ah fuck I’ve been disconnected from the internet. I can’t reconnect for some reason. Jeeeeeeeezus! “Did she write back yet?” Drisdelle takes a look. She’s been denied. Again. Third fucking time. You’ve got to be kidding me. “She doesn’t have proof of accommodations..”

At this point there’s no way we’ll make the flight to Koh Samui. Fortunately, they have another in an hour and we can rebook free of charge. Ahhhh yes please. We lose and we win too.

I grab Drisdelles phone, “Can you just go to another immigration guy?”, “No he just points to me and tells me to come over to him as soon as I enter the room”, “This guy sucks donkey dicks”, “Duck fick fuck!” (That was an actual exchange. This is the state we’re in. Queenie is defeated. We don’t know what to do). “Ok, I’ll book a hostel and email the confirmation to you.”

I’m struggling to get back on the wifi. What? Why? Ah finally. Ok hostels, hostels, hostels.. I find some good looking prospects in Koh Samui… “She’s in!”, “What do you mean she’s in”, “I dunno dude, she just wrote that she’s in. Maybe she broke down crying or something”, “Fuck man, she’s probably been crying this entire time.”

We wait by the Bangkok Airways gate for Queenie, now inching closer to the second sub 40 minute cut off for the next flight to Koh Samui. Where is she? Sure enough she comes towards us just as frazzled as can fucking be. Her face shows pure emotional exhaustion and red red eyes from crying. As soon as she meets us she unleashes a tirade of “Fuck this” and “Fuck that” and then finally… “What happened with you guys?”, “Ahhhh we just walked right in. Didn’t say a word… sorry”, “You’re here now, let’s just get to the island and relax”, “Let’s play three man!” Hahaha gotta love her. An indomitable spirit that’s for sure. Even after getting fucked at the border 4 times over the course of 4 hours, she’s already turning the corner.

We get checked in and have 20 minutes to spare. Through security and down to the gate. The flight is just a small hopper to the islands so they bus us out to the runway. Queenie checks in first and goes through the gate to the bus. Then of course the attendant puts her hand out for Jamie and I to hold. Queenie gets on the bus and we don’t. Because that’s just the type of day we’re having.